V. NEVER BE HURT AGAIN.
why did i save you? what have you ever done to earn such a sacrifice?
elizabeth had never properly processed the things she had done. killing a child. the death seed. killing warren. she was terrified of what she was becoming. the sorrow was a heavy weight on her, sending her spiralling into some dark abyss. she didn't allow it to show, she couldn't let them see what she was doing to herself. she was slowly breaking, giving herself away. otherworld was supposed to be some sort of rescue. brian had known something was wrong, he had known the moment elizabeth had cut off their link. of course, he hadn't exactly come for her. he had come to retrieve jean-phillipe for his crimes.
she couldn't allow them to take him, regardless of what her family believed she had to save him because she... loved him, didn't she? elizabeth wasn't quite certain of what she felt. her brothers would have claimed it was nothing but a misdirection to save himself but he couldn't. she was immune to the effects of his misdirections, to reality warping powers. that had been jamie's one gift to her.
the forest of sorrows. it had been their one chance, to seek forbidden magic. the price had been steep but elizabeth had paid it. she had sacrificed what she could in order to save jean-phillipe's life. he was worth it, she couldn't allow her brothers to murder him.
so much death, so much hurt.
but that hurt was gone, and without that pain, elizabeth was able to do the necessary. she killed him, used brian's body to wrap her hands around jamie's throat. she choked him, feeling his life wither away beneath her hands. she knew brian couldn't do it, she could nearly feel his sorrow as she controlled his mind and body.
close your eyes, brian. please.
she killed him, murdered him. the child. warren. and now jamie. the difference was that she felt nothing this time. she felt nothing as he fell limp. elizabeth had done what was necessary in order to save otherworld, to save their lives. she knew brian was upset, she knew the emotional toll it had taken on him. close your eyes. she had tried to save him from what she had done, to protect her brother, but she knew his eyes had been open the entire time and he had witnessed the murder.
"millions of souls were being consumed every second. there was no other way. and you know that. but you made me do it. so you get to stay the good guy." the words were spoken matter of fact, without an ounce of remorse. there was no guilt where there should have been, there was no sorrow, but god did she want to mourn. the funeral came the next day and elizabeth attended but there was nothing but a blank stare as she watched jamie's coffin while her brother mourned. he got to stay the good guy, that was all that mattered to her. she had sacrificed something else once again.
"at the funeral, you showed no remorse. showed nothing at all. ever since that ogre in the woods back in otherworld. you've been... off. what did you give that fiend to save me?" the words were perhaps meant to sting, jean-phillipe had always been able to get under her skin, only this time there was nothing as elizabeth watched him. he had been so insistent, wondering what she had sacrificed for him. she hadn't wanted to tell him, she hadn't found it important. he was alive, they had escaped otherworld, that was all that mattered. she couldn't help herself however, the frustration setting in as she turned to look at him the moment she felt his hand on her shoulder. "remove your hand. you want to know what i gave him? i gave him my sorrow and my capacity to ever feel any again. and thank god i did. because after everything else... if i could feel it... killing jamie would push me over the edge."
the words were true. killing her own brother would have been the last of her, murdering him would have completely broken her. thank god elizabeth could no longer feel sorrow. instead, there was something else forming deep within her. she could feel it, blurring the edges and changing her vision of the world. where they had once been hope, it was slowly turning into something else. she was a weapon, meant to protect those who could not protect themselves. she was angry, sorrow had been replaced by anger and the need for violence. the lack of sorrow dulled her other emotions, all but rage. violence was the closest way elizabeth came to feeling something. anything.
this can't be real.
but it was all too real. she didn't want to risk that lack of sorrow. she was afraid of what a future with her would feel like and she was fighting to regain control. it was difficult, elizabeth was strong and was keen on staying. ava couldn't allow it. how many souls had this woman claimed? was she evil? was she real? the panic was slowly setting in. how was she supposed to fight something she knew nothing of?
nothing was okay... nothing.
elizabeth had never properly processed the things she had done. killing a child. the death seed. killing warren. she was terrified of what she was becoming. the sorrow was a heavy weight on her, sending her spiralling into some dark abyss. she didn't allow it to show, she couldn't let them see what she was doing to herself. she was slowly breaking, giving herself away. otherworld was supposed to be some sort of rescue. brian had known something was wrong, he had known the moment elizabeth had cut off their link. of course, he hadn't exactly come for her. he had come to retrieve jean-phillipe for his crimes.
she couldn't allow them to take him, regardless of what her family believed she had to save him because she... loved him, didn't she? elizabeth wasn't quite certain of what she felt. her brothers would have claimed it was nothing but a misdirection to save himself but he couldn't. she was immune to the effects of his misdirections, to reality warping powers. that had been jamie's one gift to her.
the forest of sorrows. it had been their one chance, to seek forbidden magic. the price had been steep but elizabeth had paid it. she had sacrificed what she could in order to save jean-phillipe's life. he was worth it, she couldn't allow her brothers to murder him.
so much death, so much hurt.
but that hurt was gone, and without that pain, elizabeth was able to do the necessary. she killed him, used brian's body to wrap her hands around jamie's throat. she choked him, feeling his life wither away beneath her hands. she knew brian couldn't do it, she could nearly feel his sorrow as she controlled his mind and body.
close your eyes, brian. please.
she killed him, murdered him. the child. warren. and now jamie. the difference was that she felt nothing this time. she felt nothing as he fell limp. elizabeth had done what was necessary in order to save otherworld, to save their lives. she knew brian was upset, she knew the emotional toll it had taken on him. close your eyes. she had tried to save him from what she had done, to protect her brother, but she knew his eyes had been open the entire time and he had witnessed the murder.
"millions of souls were being consumed every second. there was no other way. and you know that. but you made me do it. so you get to stay the good guy." the words were spoken matter of fact, without an ounce of remorse. there was no guilt where there should have been, there was no sorrow, but god did she want to mourn. the funeral came the next day and elizabeth attended but there was nothing but a blank stare as she watched jamie's coffin while her brother mourned. he got to stay the good guy, that was all that mattered to her. she had sacrificed something else once again.
"at the funeral, you showed no remorse. showed nothing at all. ever since that ogre in the woods back in otherworld. you've been... off. what did you give that fiend to save me?" the words were perhaps meant to sting, jean-phillipe had always been able to get under her skin, only this time there was nothing as elizabeth watched him. he had been so insistent, wondering what she had sacrificed for him. she hadn't wanted to tell him, she hadn't found it important. he was alive, they had escaped otherworld, that was all that mattered. she couldn't help herself however, the frustration setting in as she turned to look at him the moment she felt his hand on her shoulder. "remove your hand. you want to know what i gave him? i gave him my sorrow and my capacity to ever feel any again. and thank god i did. because after everything else... if i could feel it... killing jamie would push me over the edge."
the words were true. killing her own brother would have been the last of her, murdering him would have completely broken her. thank god elizabeth could no longer feel sorrow. instead, there was something else forming deep within her. she could feel it, blurring the edges and changing her vision of the world. where they had once been hope, it was slowly turning into something else. she was a weapon, meant to protect those who could not protect themselves. she was angry, sorrow had been replaced by anger and the need for violence. the lack of sorrow dulled her other emotions, all but rage. violence was the closest way elizabeth came to feeling something. anything.
the dreams... more brutal every night. conversations with the dead intended to injure. but i sold my sorrow, and with it my mourning. my longing is an intellectual process with no response from my heart. but the vacuum left is being filled. filled with something i still feel in spades... rage.that was the first time ava realised just what sort of woman she was sharing a body with and she was terrified. there was some sort of detachment that chilled her to the very core, not that ava had been the warmest of people. there was something absolutely terrifying about this elizabeth and she knew she had to fight back. she couldn't allow this woman to take over, she could risk that complete lack of feeling.
this can't be real.
but it was all too real. she didn't want to risk that lack of sorrow. she was afraid of what a future with her would feel like and she was fighting to regain control. it was difficult, elizabeth was strong and was keen on staying. ava couldn't allow it. how many souls had this woman claimed? was she evil? was she real? the panic was slowly setting in. how was she supposed to fight something she knew nothing of?
nothing was okay... nothing.